No One Saw It Coming

Like too many frustrating times before, no one saw it coming. She wasn't just bubbly, she was as warm and genuine as your grandmother. In fact she recently had become a grandmother by one of her three sons. Her name was Deb and she left invaluable impression on my mother before she left. Her exit was unexpected because no one believed she was capable of making such a decision.

Just a couple of weeks ago, overheard in the everyday coworker chatter my mother found out that Deb took her own life. Later, on the phone and choking back tears, my mother told me each memory of her brief friendship with hallowed disbelief. Both of them were proud their sons went to Marquette High School. Both were proud grandmothers, armed with photos at the ready when called upon or not.

What my mom repeated again and again was her exceptional personality that valued every fortunate person in the same room as her. It was the way she remembered the small details about you.

For my mom and many of us, the questions remain:

How can someone who went out of their way to make sure you knew someone cared, not care for their own self?

How can a mother and grandmother make such a decision to leave her family behind in this traumatic way?

What an awful conversation to discuss. Why even broach the subject? I believe Deb's story needs to be heard so that others do not have to suffer alone. I have to believe that God does not linger in times like these. Instead there the Spirit is, laboring to transform complete devastation into some good, the sole hope being this tragedy can prevent further tragedies.

Knowingly or unknowingly my mother and her coworkers did just when shortly after hearing the news, they made a pact that no matter how hopeless or trapped either one of them felt, they would confide in one another rather than be consumed with overwhelming guilt or shame at such irrational thoughts.

And if anything needs more awareness it is that mental illness misconstrues reality and rational thought right upside down. One can actually tragically believe they are more of a burden on their family by existing than not. When and if the illness subsides, one can be overcome by the weight of guilt for even thinking such thoughts and continue to suffer alone.

There should be no stigma, no shame, no battle to fight in utter loneliness.

Fighting off the nagging feeling of powerlessness, there remains another question. What can we do to ensure that someone like Deb does not have to struggle needlessly alone? I was moved by the active choice of my mother and coworkers to make a pact with one another. This awareness related to mental illness and the lifesaving resources can never be downplayed. On a larger scale, the most vulnerable populations seem to be soldiers returning from active duty and college students. Personally, I know on college campuses nationwide Active Minds is a proven student-led organization that is dedicated to destigmatizing of mental illness as well as creating open dialogue about mental health and providing ample resources to those in need.

Whatever the tragedy we may find ourselves overwhelmed by may we be open to the grace of the Spirit that draws straight with crooked lines.....sometimes very crooked lines. May we have the courage and strength to take action to erase the great divide of suffering alone versus the sharing a load with another.

Thanks for permitting me to broach such a terrible topic. May our bond be closer because of such tragedy and look out for those in our midst the way Deb would.