A Retreat: pockets full of acorns, failed secret passageways and rolled up pant legs

A Retreat: The 13 of us First Years closed our 10 days of orientation with a three day silent retreat. This officially ended our phase of what the Jesuits call, "First Probation." Probation in the Jesuit sense has to do with exposing the novices to a variety of different aspects of Jesuit life and probing the mind and heart on how one reacts to these experiences.
After a run around of events these last two weeks we were all just about ready to sit down and take in what all had happened. Above is a stone I found in one of the gardens on the retreat grounds. It's wisdom struck a cord with my aimed prayerfulness.

Not far past the front doors of Manresa Retreat Center was a plaque and posing of these men ranging in their 1926 professions from store clerks to bankers. This retreat center was named Manresa after the place in Spain which the Jesuit founder wrote his most famous spiritual work and retreat guide; The Spiritual Exercises.

Failed Secret Passage: Once we were cut loose on the spacious and complex retreat center, I stumbled upon a hidden courtyard and winding hallways to new rooms and artwork. Just as I thought I had sought out every corner, my excitement peaked when I spotted this staircase going above the chapel. I hoped it might lead to a new wing or sacred spot. Once I ran to the top I shouldn't have been so surprised to read the very modern sticker on the door notifying me that this was the fire escape for the 2nd floor rooms. Nonetheless the view was enjoyable.

While passing by the hallway I spotted this view of this maple tree colorfully preparing the courtyard for autumn.

This view allowed me to relive my childhood dream of living by a running brook or stream.

Further upstream was this tiny stone chapel and water wheel. To get here I started on one of the paths which I thought was a short cut. After a good walk the path suddenly surrendered as a peninsula to two arms of the stream. Rather then backtrack, I sized up the depth and given the midday warmth I gladly rolled up my pant legs and carried my sandals. The refreshing wading turned a bit more adventurous when I was faced with a 5 foot jump across one concrete canal ledge to the other which led to the water wheel. Overthinking my approaches and angles for the jump, I took a breath, and gripping a tree branch above I prayed for a leap of faith. Just as I swung forward I heard and felt a "CRACK" as my security branch broke. Thankfully I had enough momentum already and landed solidly enough, damp jeans and muddy hands aside.

On this trail I found hundreds of my favorite forest decor: acorns and oak leaves. As has been the custom on Jesuit retreats, I report to my oak tree-loving dad about my finds to which he remarks, "So, did you save me some acorns to plant?" This time I did not forget and crammed my pockets with the prized seed left by the black and brown squirrels.

A Marquette Find: For the Marquette fans out there. There in the Manresa chapel was this framed chalice and note-- In 1912, a Jesuit was saying mass in Northern Michigan with Native Americans. The elders, upon hearing that he was a Jesuit showed him this chalice saying that Fr. Jacques Marquette entrusted them with this chalice before leaving for his final mission. The tribal elders had preserved this chalice since 1670 and thought it should be returned to a Jesuit community.

All in all, the retreat was a success. It allowed me to pause and remember the men and activities which have accompanied me these days. The staff has truly gone out of their way to welcome us and care deeply about our wellness. They are men of great faith yet great openness to how the Spirit is moving within each on of us.

How is the Spirit moving these days?

I have enjoyed my first two weeks here. The second years have given us good advice from everything about where to find a good Spanish mass to how they persevered in prayer through the good and the bad. The first year men have impressed me in our conversations. They have a brilliant knack of knowing how to send ourselves into laughter and when we need to address an elephant in the room. Exactly when you think you're the only one struggling with an issue is when we realize we all are. Like when walking to the Tigers baseball game in downtown Detroit we passed gentleman after gentleman pleading for a quarter. I've been in that situation countless times but each of us now experienced this plea as a "Jesuit novice" with other "novices" for the very first time. We felt on-the-spot and inadequate. During one of the sessions the topic came up and we discussed the tension each of us have between our mission to serve and be with the poor but being living so radically different than the poor . It took some humility to admit that Mother Teresa, Dorothy Day, and Ignatius (as do each one of us) all have different answers to the same situation. Each one of us will continue to ask the question of what is the Jesuit way of living simply and being apostolically effective. The timing is good because classes begin this week and our service starts in a few more, allowing us to discover that answer even more deeply and specifically.

Above all, these movements and this retreat gave me the deepest peace remembering why I applied in the first place. And that indeed was a very centering and peaceful thought. My primary hope was to order my love a little better towards God. There are always other questions and tensions about the here and now and especially about things out of our control like the past and future. Yet, no matter the practicality of the questions, I am at peace knowing that these will all be answered when I pause and remember my first and simple desire for being here: order my love a little better towards God. If I do that, it will be hard to lose my way.

Thank you for all your prayers and wisdom.