An Unexpected Christmas Gift

Just days before Christmas and the Novitiate house buzzing with holiday excitement, I never anticipated that I would be packing my bags not just for a home visit but a return home. After experiencing a severe panic attack, it was decided between the Jesuit staff and myself to take a break from the novitiate program and take the time necessary to take care of myself close to family and appropriate resources.

I have felt frightened, embarrassed, disappointed, and mostly confused. But because Christ is born, that means dawn will break after a long dark night. And all of this unexpected newness is always transformed into a GIFT. I was told by a good friend that the road to recovery is not a straight line. But you and I know that it is God's greatest quality to make straight with crooked paths. The gift of this tough reality of leaving the Jesuits is that I can focus more radically on myself, my needs, and my relationship with God. It may sound a bit odd that now I can focus on the God-I relationship leaving the Jesuits for a time, but one can use a great program like the Jesuits as a distraction from what one needs most. I am face to face with that reality now.

So as my brothers prepare for their 30 days silent retreat I will pray from them and begin my own retreat, St. Ignatius' 19th annotation of the Spiritual Exercises (a version of the 30 days spread over several months) to keep me connected and rooted to my Jesuit passion. I have a great man as a Jesuit spiritual director.

I've appreciated all your support to get me to this point and I will continue to keep you updated on where I am going.

First step now being back in the real world: take things slow but eventually a car, job, cell phone and apartment.

Life is a gift and I and grateful to celebrate this Christmas with all of you. Christ our savior has given us every good thing in our lives and constantly wants to transform the crooked lines to make them straight. Pray that I allow him to do so these coming days and weeks ahead.

God Bless you this Christmas and may you receive every blessing, even the unexpected ones.

My Man

One word that comes to mind when asked to describe novitiate life is generous. The extent of resources and support systems that are put in place for our well being is overwhelming.

Fulfilling job? yes, definitely. teaching children and visiting the elderly.
Eats? oh man, Miss Kris Lee can make everything between a mean pot-roast to middle eastern magic.
Shelter? a house of the most caring and generous 24 men i've ever met.
Prayer? never better with weekly spiritual direction, daily mass and communal prayer, weekly faith sharing, nature walks and runs all contemplating a God who loves me more than i can ever believe or accept.

I could go on and on, but honestly, it is a bit hard at times to realize that I'm this well taken care of when i know many are not. Overall, i accept the reality i live in and the challenge it presents to me to give generously back. I know that all this lavish love is building a foundation within me to allow me to be the man God imagines me to be. By being ministered to now, i can hopefully be a better minister in the future. By receiving more than I can give back now, i will be able to give generous even when I may not be receiving anything later.

But there are moments when the tough realities of the world finds a way to reach me and the stark divide of lavish goods between myself and many of our brothers and sisters is evident. A few nights ago this very feeling was real as a man approached my parents and I in a parking lot. He explained he had just been in a fight with his wife. He pointed to his blackened eyes and asked us to help him with a few dollars so he could prepare for an interview the next day. As we ate our dinner the reality began to settle in that there are many so close among us who struggle to live decently day to day.

Tonight, it was watching my current favorite film, A Patch of Blue. I think I find this movie so moving because it reminds me of the stark reality of many of the youth I worked with and befriended as a Youth Minister in Milwaukee. So when I watched the film unfold again and witness all the trash our world has dumped out, I not only feel a twinge of uneasiness but helplessness as well.

But God always seems to find little ways to bring me back from my feelings of helplessness and remind me how to love in the Jesuit charism of small ways now so as to be trusted with larger love later. And here is how he showed me:

I was making my way towards my guilty-pleasure oasis; the local Panera for a my favorite comfort food, broccoli cheddar soup bread bowl and a cafe mocha. I saw a familiar face approaching the entrance after me. He was coming from his beat-up work van. I recognized his mostly salt and less pepper untrimmed beard and patched work clothes. I have to admit i was motivated by guilt. The week before i spied this man in Panera and honestly thought he might be homeless. Seeing his work van made me embarrassed and I realized how hard he might be working to make ends meet. So i stalled to get to the door just enough so i could hold it open for him. he said two words that not only healed my guilt but put pep in my step. His popped up and flashed me a smiling saying, "My man." Two words. No big deal. But i cherish that encounter as a reminder there are many large but sometimes small ways to reconcile my life of "haves" while living in a world many "have nots."

Lord, teach me to receive your love generously. And teach me to give as generously as you.

20th Anniversary of the Martyrs of El Salvador

November 16th marked the 20th Anniversary of the brutal killings of 6 Jesuit Priests and 2 women in San Salvador. These Martyrs of El Salvador were killed because they believed in faith that does justice. There blood was scattered like many before them during El Salvador's civil war which ended in 1992. These martyrs could have fled or tempered their words, but instead they continued teaching and preaching at the Jesuit University in San Salvador.


Many of you know that my semester abroad in El Salvador was an especially formative for my faith and especially for faith that does justice. Within a few days of our arrival in a country the size of Massachusetts, our program directors guided our culture-shocked selves on the 15 minute stroll from our homes to the gates of the Jesuit University, the University of Central America (UCA). These were the same gates the assassins forced open in the early morning hours and quickly moved to the Jesuit residence behind the chapel. Tracing the steps of the soldiers toward their targets, our conversation quieted as we walked down the hallway passing the rooms where the Jesuits and their companions were rudely awakened and dragged out into a grassy area. The students and I spread ourselves out in this small garden and imagined each of the Jesuits being ordered to lay face down.

Why were these Jesuits such a threat? Weren't they just academic professors with Roman collars? Sure maybe they roused communities with their preaching against oppressive social structures, but did this warrant death squads breaking into a quiet campus on a moonlit night?

The Jesuits laid in the grass for a few moments before the soldiers executed them. The target was the head of each Jesuit. These men were seen as the intellectual brainpower behind the revolution. They were falsely-accused of supporting Marxism and armed conflict. The real threat was their gospel and Christ they preached. They were not simply professors, but prophets of hope. They believed in a country that was not destitute. And so they could not support a government that promoted the good of a few at the expense of starvation and degradation of millions. This is why these men died. They believed in faith that does justice.

Elba and Celina, the two innocent women killed among the Jesuits, actually fled to the UCA campus seeking refuge. Celina's mother approached the Jesuits when they could no longer sleep in their house because of the sounds of whizzing bullets and regular bombings so closeby. How disheartening to hear that only a few weeks later these women were killed in the same evening as the Jesuits so as to prevent any report of a witness. Later, Elba's surviving husband planted eight rose bushes in the same grassy area the Jesuits laid down and spilled their blood. After he was able to grieve, he spoke about losing his wife and daughter among the Jesuits. He hoped that the death of his loved ones would inspire a greater respect for women in El Salvador and that women would continue to be strong and rise to fight sinful oppression. Today the eight rose bushes continue to represent life out of death, hope out of horror.

This week we remember these eight martyrs, more informally known as Ellacu, Nacho, Juan Ramon, Amando, Segundo, Tio Quin, Elba and Celina. Each of them lived an exceptional life of service to the disadvantaged. For more information about these holy people I've attached an article from Santa Clara University.

This weekend many of the Jesuit Novices will join the others from the Jesuit High School and University here in Detroit to honor these martyrs at the National Ignatian Teach-in located in Georgia. Pray for us and join me in prayer for the people of El Salvador.

I pray that we all may be inspired by their witness to faith that does justice in whatever God inspires and enables in our own life, no matter how small.

From Hogwarts to Jeff Foxworthy

These last few days have been especially full so I thought I'd offer some highlights:

• Halloween was blast hanging out with the Jesuit Volunteers Corp members of Detroit. Harry Potter was the costume of choice this year (see photo above)
  
• There seems to be a making of a band among the four novices in my ministry group. We've been asked to perform a Hawaiian Luao at the nursing home and this week to fill in for the choir director at the all school mass. There also seems to be a making of a reality tv show since the late night practices have gotten more tense with sarcastic comments leading to the occasional tussle....just kidding....well kind of. I'll keep you updated on further developments ;)
  
• I pulled a Jeff Foxworthy and decided to go head to head with the smartest math student in the 5th grade class (and probably the entire school). While it seemed like a good idea at the time to do a multiplication table timed quiz, i ended up losing by 10 seconds. Staying true to Foxworthy, I stood in front of the class and said, "My name is Adam Mescher and I am NOT smarter than a fifth grader."
• On a more academically positive note, to the appreciation of my housemates i have put some of my A+ math homework scores from the 5th grade on the refrigerator (believe it or not i do actually teach some of the time ;)
  
• Over the picture perfect weekend we enjoyed some glorious autumn football scrimmages in the backyard
• Mom's collarbone surgery went well, alright mom!
  
• Just heard that mom and pops might be able to visit after thanksgiving. This is extra special since this will be their first thanksgiving without any of their kiddies and my first ever thanksgiving away from home (finally growing up i guess).
  
• This is a great segway to mention that my visitation restrictions expire after Thanksgiving. So if you're passing through or interested in stopping by we would gladly put you up!
  
• The nursing home votes were tallied from the pumpkin decoration contest and our Hawaiian Pumpkin beauty was one of the finalists.
  
• Being all-time quarterback with the 4th graders at recess
  
• When I felt like part of the cool crowd when one of the staff at the school invited me to have lunch with them in the teacher's lounge.
• 4 birthdays this month in the house which means plenty of hilarious skits and delicious desserts (yes mom, i'm running more to counter the calories)
  
• Community Creative prayer has been boomtastic lately as well as most of the guys' homilies.
  
• Tried my first yoga class partly to prevent injuries for my running as well as for meditative reasons and found it even more enjoyable and tiring than i imagined.
  
• Three guys considering applying to the Jesuits visited last weekend and one of them had visited El Salvador which led to a long and exciting conversation about the 20th anniversary of the Jesuits killlings which we will honor on November 16th of this month. More info at: http://onlineministries.creighton.edu/CollaborativeMinistry/Martyrs/UCA/index.html
  
• finally some awesome care packages have arrived in the form of :
  
• #1 two Boston College/Jesuit t-shirts (my brother can sense when my old tees are fraying)
  
• #2 letters, photos and preschool art projects from JoJo and the Glafckes
• #3 another round of brownies from mom for the house (even with her broken collarbone)
  
• #4 and my favorite and the famous Bay Bakery cookies for Halloween from grandma gloria
  

THANKS SO MUCH AND EVERY GOOD BLESSING TO YOU AND YOURS

4th Grade Lunch

I sit down at the cafeteria table with the fourth graders. This week is my first week of teaching religion with them. They are glad to begin trading between their hot and cold lunches and I am glad for a break from lesson plans and classroom discipline.

I look across to see Andrew, who has not said a word. I watch him silently struggling to open his chocolate milk. Remember how those carton openings can easily disobey?

Finally the buck tooth 10 year-old throws his hands up in the air declaring:

"BLAST this infernal contraption!"

I double over laughing as I reach to help open the carton.
All is right with the world.

A Post This Side of Christmas

Here I sit at the computer listening to a CD mix from a good friend, Nic. Sure enough he slipped in Christmas music while Halloween is still two weeks away. You see, Nic is famous for listening to Christmas music in July. By August, he has changed his bed sheets and comforter to wintry reindeer and snowmen themes. With Nic's tunes in the background, I checked my blog and was quite surprised to see my last post to be nearly a month ago! Wow, time flies. Well, in the spirit of Nic's over early zeal and my under aware mindset, i thought i'd at least get one post in before Christmas :)

There are three experiences that stand out over the last few weeks that I'd like to share:

1. A Marathon Sunrise
2. Becoming Trilingual at the Nursing Home
3. A Book Recommendation with Favorite Quote

#1 Given the national news over the three premature deaths in the Detroit Marathon, I am especially grateful for a healthy finish of the enjoyable, yet exhausting 26.2 miles. An unforgettable image was climbing the Ambassador Bridge in dawn's darkness surrounded side by side and front to back by 19,000 other runners making their way above the Detroit River into Canada. I hear and look to my right where there is a woman with her eyes closed softly singing with the song from her iPod, "Here Comes the Sun." I smile and look to my left where the sun is peaking above the water which separates the downtown skylines of Detroit, Michigan and Windsor, Ontario. Such was the atmosphere of the perfect autumn day. About 10 housemates served as rambunctious spectators and motivational runners when my legs started to give out at mile 20. My current limp does make me wonder if I could have served my body better in another form of endurance and discipline, but it also reminds me of those special moments I shared among thousands of other runners who found God in many things that day.

#2 Our schedule in the house has grown to include 4 hours volunteering for 4 days a week at a nursing home. We are to be Pastoral Care Volunteers which is a fancy term for chatting with the residents. This is not to diminish that we do share some profoundly sacred moments with our friends. The first few days, I noticed that I was naturally drawn to those patients who were eager to initiate conversation with me. It took a few days before I had the courage to approach one woman who was pretty far in the stages of dementia. I noticed her arms we crossed up onto her chest with each fist clenched tightly. She looked cold and uncomfortable. Her eyes looked blankly up at the ceiling, reminding me of how distance we were. I hesitated, thinking that my preliminary questions would come off impersonal and unimportant. I attempted some kind of headway with, "How are you feeling, today?" I sensed an equal hesitation on her part as her cloudy blue eyes met mine. She began only slowly with a few repeated mumbled sounds, as if to test intentions. And thus began my work on a new language. She let me ask seemingly impersonal and basic questions and I let her mumble. We're learning a lot from the residents as the face of Christ becomes more and more obvious within them.

#3 Lastly, I have recently devoured a 400 page book in a matter of a few days. Anyone who knows me knows that I don't make a habit of sitting down and reading a book cover to cover. This one is named The Sparrow, by Mary Doria Russell. The timing of the book is perfect because my reflection papers for our classes on the vows of poverty, chastity and obedience have gotten a bit dry. The writing about these real Jesuit characters inspired me for the more challenging topic of chastity. I'd like to share my favorite passage. The Jesuit character is talking with his closest friend, Anne, about a profound experience of God he just had and is trying with difficultly to put it into words. I especially enjoy Emilio's, the Jesuit speaking, twist at the end:

"Inside me, everything makes sense, everything I've done, everything that ever happened to me--it was all leading up to this, to where we are now. But, Anne, it's frightening and I don't know why..."

She wanted to see if he had more but when he fell silent, she decided to take a shot in the dark.

"You know what's the most terrifying thing about admitting that you're in love? You are just naked. You put yourself in harm's way and you lay down all your defenses. No clothes, no weapons. Nowhere to hide. Completely vulnerable. The only thing that makes it tolerable is to believe the other person loves you back and that you can trust him not to hurt you."

He looked at he astounded. "Yes. Exactly. That's how it feels when I let myself believe...But it has started to feel like I am being rude and ungrateful, do you understand? To keep on doubting. That God loves me. Personally."

Well folks, I leave you with that. I am in the process of making sense of those moments where I have felt the similar love BUT most especially coming to terms with how to respond to the great love and vulnerability. It is natural to struggle in the "how" to return that profound love or even just to maintain that attitude of gratitude during the mundane days. Yet, to doubt God's personal love DOES seem rude and ungrateful in light of those special moments. This is something I am pondering and praying with. I hope all is well with you and cannot wait to hear from you.

Again, I hope to post every other week or so, but just in case, Feliz Navidad :)

Alllowing Autumn and this Vocation to Settle In

One of my favorite authors C.S. Lewis sums up thousands of years of theology of God and heaven into a very simple formula: "Salvation is taking a step...and taking another step."

There have been moments these last few weeks where I have thought, "Come on, is it really that simple? Is it true Lord, that all you ask of me is to move but just one step closer towards to you?" On the other hand, there have been difficult moments these past few weeks where I have thought, "Why do you constantly ask more of me Lord. Can't you see that I am confused, hurting, lost? Let me retreat to something more secure and comfortable instead."


This past weekend the 13 of us novices journeyed north to the Shrine of the North American Martyrs. It was there in Midland, Ontario we heard the stories of men and women who what it meant to take a saving step towards Christ. Amidst the wigwams and long houses we stood in the rebuilt chapel of the Huron Native Tribe, formally built in the 1600s. We listened to the story of the Jesuits who came from France and put themselves humbly at the service of the Huron people. We heard of the positives steps these men took towards learning the Huron language and in their evangelization sent word to the surprise of Europe that these Natives tribes embodied a deep spirituality and knowledge of God in their everyday life and customs. Unfortunately their work suffered a terrible loss when the rival Iroquois tribe thought these black robed priests to be sorcerers. Around 1649 the Iroquois attacked the Huron Fort several times and killed the smaller Huron Tribe. Among the dead were all 7 Jesuits missioned to serve the Huron people.

You can imagine that from this crude summary we heard and saw a tremendous loyalty to taking saving steps towards Christ. I was especially moved by this past weekend since Midland, Ontario was where I first felt the God's invitation to consider religious life. It was the summer before my sophomore at Marquette High School that World Youth Day was held in Toronto and thank God, our leaders had us stop and at Midland to hear the story of the 7 Jesuit Martyrs and Saints.

After our weekend visiting the Martyrs Shrine and revisiting the beginnings of my vocation story, I have found myself more at peace here at the Novitiate. Before the trip, my mind was full of many questions that could not have answers at this time. I am glad to have found a rhythm here and am taking those steps more confidently and peacefully toward Christ. We have been well on our way in our life here at the Novitiate. We are studying each vow of poverty, chastity, and obedience. Also, we have a Jesuit Institute class where we are currently practicing homiletics. Last night I gave my first-ever homily to the house. In addition, we have a humorous Spanish teacher who has already helped me to clean up some of my poor phrasing and slang. Next week I will begin orienting and serving several hours each day at a Nursing Home, at the Jesuit Retirement home, and also teaching religion for the Catholic grade school across the street.

Life here is full. I have not missed a daily liturgy of the Eucharist in over a month and with morning prayer together with the Ignatian Examen of Conscience, my prayer life is the best I can remember it being. The others guys in the house are wonderful and we make time to go out and explore the city together. I'm also preparing for my second marathon on October 18th. Please, pray for me :) as well as for Leah, my sister, who will be running her second marathon in Chicago the week before.

Finally, I hope to post a bit more frequently than I have, maybe once every week or so. If you happen to be interested in learning more about the story of the North American Jesuit Martyrs feel free to check out the links to the Shrine and Huron Center below.

http://www.martyrsshrine.com/index.cfm
http://www.hhp.on.ca/

Celebrating Mass on the Feast of the the Martyrs

The Reconstructed Huron fort

Group shot of Novices from Great Lake, New England and Canadian Provinces.