Invictus

Today I was surprised to find a small rectangular package in the mailbox. It was postmarked from my book club friend, Brittany. Basically we swap our latest book recommendations to one another. The problem was, we had just swapped...so what was this package about?

As I impatiently pulled back the strongly secured cardboard in the crisp winter air outside the mailbox I thought back to think if she had actually returned my last novel and if this was the belated return....which would be a shame because we just caught up in person just days before and she could have saved on the postage.

I was thrown off again when i saw my view was blocked by paper stuffed around the smaller black rectangle i assumed was my old book. Pulling the paper out I realized it was a frame of some sort. I peeled the paper cover to protect the glass and found a poem entitled, Invictus.

I smiled and remembered our conversation.

It was New Years Day and I was having a rough week. I had recently been told by the Jesuits that it would be best to return home. In asking them when I might be ready to return, the reply was, "at least 2 years." Break ups are never easy and I guess that goes for vocations that you fall in love with. I would have to fall out of love with a life I had been discerning since I was a young boy watching my older brother introduce me to his Jesuit High School.

So appropriately on New Years, I was with my good and old friend Brittany when I could not face many family or friends at all with the loss and confusion I was feeling. We talked about my unexpected return home and the reasons why. I confided in her my vast sense of sadness and darkness. But I shared with her my recent favorite movie quote; yes from the famous story of Nelson Mandela, Invictus. In the movie he is able to motivate a whole nation from apartheid to a more whole and reconciled South Africa with the words,

"I am the master of my fate. I am the captain of my soul."

I told Brittany that he gave me hope. Hope to believe beyond grief. Hope that restores faith in a broken heart to dare to love again.

And so Brittany went home and dug up her old English Literature book from our days at Marquette and recognized the poem she had read in class. In her note she says, "I ripped this poem out of Norton's Anthology of English Literature from my sophomore year British Literature 023 class at Marquette. I figured you could use it more than I could right now. I hope it brings you some peace of mind and perhaps a little confident reminder of how unconquerable you are my friend."

I leave you with the poem in it's entirety by William Ernest Henley. He wrote this as he was being hospitalized for his foot been amputated at the ankle. After reading the poem it makes sense that the movie makes of Invictus choose this poem. Hopefully it is evident why these words mean so much to me at this time.

For all those who have generously reached out to me these transitioning last weeks, I thank you from the bottom of my heart. I apologize for my delay, but I've had to grieve and reorient myself with my Lord again. I am doing and feeling much better and look forward to reconnecting and reliving our friendships. Every good blessing to you and yours today and always:

Invictus*

Out of the night that covers me,

Black as the Pit from pole to pole,

I thank whatever gods may be

For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance

I have not winced nor cried aloud.

Under the bludgeoning of chance

My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears

Looms but the Horror of the shade,

And yet the menace of the years

Finds, and shall find, me unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,

How charged with punishments the scroll,

I am the master of my fate;

I am the captain of my soul.

William Ernest Henley, 1875

* Invictus is latin for unconquered