A Post This Side of Christmas

Here I sit at the computer listening to a CD mix from a good friend, Nic. Sure enough he slipped in Christmas music while Halloween is still two weeks away. You see, Nic is famous for listening to Christmas music in July. By August, he has changed his bed sheets and comforter to wintry reindeer and snowmen themes. With Nic's tunes in the background, I checked my blog and was quite surprised to see my last post to be nearly a month ago! Wow, time flies. Well, in the spirit of Nic's over early zeal and my under aware mindset, i thought i'd at least get one post in before Christmas :)

There are three experiences that stand out over the last few weeks that I'd like to share:

1. A Marathon Sunrise
2. Becoming Trilingual at the Nursing Home
3. A Book Recommendation with Favorite Quote

#1 Given the national news over the three premature deaths in the Detroit Marathon, I am especially grateful for a healthy finish of the enjoyable, yet exhausting 26.2 miles. An unforgettable image was climbing the Ambassador Bridge in dawn's darkness surrounded side by side and front to back by 19,000 other runners making their way above the Detroit River into Canada. I hear and look to my right where there is a woman with her eyes closed softly singing with the song from her iPod, "Here Comes the Sun." I smile and look to my left where the sun is peaking above the water which separates the downtown skylines of Detroit, Michigan and Windsor, Ontario. Such was the atmosphere of the perfect autumn day. About 10 housemates served as rambunctious spectators and motivational runners when my legs started to give out at mile 20. My current limp does make me wonder if I could have served my body better in another form of endurance and discipline, but it also reminds me of those special moments I shared among thousands of other runners who found God in many things that day.

#2 Our schedule in the house has grown to include 4 hours volunteering for 4 days a week at a nursing home. We are to be Pastoral Care Volunteers which is a fancy term for chatting with the residents. This is not to diminish that we do share some profoundly sacred moments with our friends. The first few days, I noticed that I was naturally drawn to those patients who were eager to initiate conversation with me. It took a few days before I had the courage to approach one woman who was pretty far in the stages of dementia. I noticed her arms we crossed up onto her chest with each fist clenched tightly. She looked cold and uncomfortable. Her eyes looked blankly up at the ceiling, reminding me of how distance we were. I hesitated, thinking that my preliminary questions would come off impersonal and unimportant. I attempted some kind of headway with, "How are you feeling, today?" I sensed an equal hesitation on her part as her cloudy blue eyes met mine. She began only slowly with a few repeated mumbled sounds, as if to test intentions. And thus began my work on a new language. She let me ask seemingly impersonal and basic questions and I let her mumble. We're learning a lot from the residents as the face of Christ becomes more and more obvious within them.

#3 Lastly, I have recently devoured a 400 page book in a matter of a few days. Anyone who knows me knows that I don't make a habit of sitting down and reading a book cover to cover. This one is named The Sparrow, by Mary Doria Russell. The timing of the book is perfect because my reflection papers for our classes on the vows of poverty, chastity and obedience have gotten a bit dry. The writing about these real Jesuit characters inspired me for the more challenging topic of chastity. I'd like to share my favorite passage. The Jesuit character is talking with his closest friend, Anne, about a profound experience of God he just had and is trying with difficultly to put it into words. I especially enjoy Emilio's, the Jesuit speaking, twist at the end:

"Inside me, everything makes sense, everything I've done, everything that ever happened to me--it was all leading up to this, to where we are now. But, Anne, it's frightening and I don't know why..."

She wanted to see if he had more but when he fell silent, she decided to take a shot in the dark.

"You know what's the most terrifying thing about admitting that you're in love? You are just naked. You put yourself in harm's way and you lay down all your defenses. No clothes, no weapons. Nowhere to hide. Completely vulnerable. The only thing that makes it tolerable is to believe the other person loves you back and that you can trust him not to hurt you."

He looked at he astounded. "Yes. Exactly. That's how it feels when I let myself believe...But it has started to feel like I am being rude and ungrateful, do you understand? To keep on doubting. That God loves me. Personally."

Well folks, I leave you with that. I am in the process of making sense of those moments where I have felt the similar love BUT most especially coming to terms with how to respond to the great love and vulnerability. It is natural to struggle in the "how" to return that profound love or even just to maintain that attitude of gratitude during the mundane days. Yet, to doubt God's personal love DOES seem rude and ungrateful in light of those special moments. This is something I am pondering and praying with. I hope all is well with you and cannot wait to hear from you.

Again, I hope to post every other week or so, but just in case, Feliz Navidad :)

Alllowing Autumn and this Vocation to Settle In

One of my favorite authors C.S. Lewis sums up thousands of years of theology of God and heaven into a very simple formula: "Salvation is taking a step...and taking another step."

There have been moments these last few weeks where I have thought, "Come on, is it really that simple? Is it true Lord, that all you ask of me is to move but just one step closer towards to you?" On the other hand, there have been difficult moments these past few weeks where I have thought, "Why do you constantly ask more of me Lord. Can't you see that I am confused, hurting, lost? Let me retreat to something more secure and comfortable instead."


This past weekend the 13 of us novices journeyed north to the Shrine of the North American Martyrs. It was there in Midland, Ontario we heard the stories of men and women who what it meant to take a saving step towards Christ. Amidst the wigwams and long houses we stood in the rebuilt chapel of the Huron Native Tribe, formally built in the 1600s. We listened to the story of the Jesuits who came from France and put themselves humbly at the service of the Huron people. We heard of the positives steps these men took towards learning the Huron language and in their evangelization sent word to the surprise of Europe that these Natives tribes embodied a deep spirituality and knowledge of God in their everyday life and customs. Unfortunately their work suffered a terrible loss when the rival Iroquois tribe thought these black robed priests to be sorcerers. Around 1649 the Iroquois attacked the Huron Fort several times and killed the smaller Huron Tribe. Among the dead were all 7 Jesuits missioned to serve the Huron people.

You can imagine that from this crude summary we heard and saw a tremendous loyalty to taking saving steps towards Christ. I was especially moved by this past weekend since Midland, Ontario was where I first felt the God's invitation to consider religious life. It was the summer before my sophomore at Marquette High School that World Youth Day was held in Toronto and thank God, our leaders had us stop and at Midland to hear the story of the 7 Jesuit Martyrs and Saints.

After our weekend visiting the Martyrs Shrine and revisiting the beginnings of my vocation story, I have found myself more at peace here at the Novitiate. Before the trip, my mind was full of many questions that could not have answers at this time. I am glad to have found a rhythm here and am taking those steps more confidently and peacefully toward Christ. We have been well on our way in our life here at the Novitiate. We are studying each vow of poverty, chastity, and obedience. Also, we have a Jesuit Institute class where we are currently practicing homiletics. Last night I gave my first-ever homily to the house. In addition, we have a humorous Spanish teacher who has already helped me to clean up some of my poor phrasing and slang. Next week I will begin orienting and serving several hours each day at a Nursing Home, at the Jesuit Retirement home, and also teaching religion for the Catholic grade school across the street.

Life here is full. I have not missed a daily liturgy of the Eucharist in over a month and with morning prayer together with the Ignatian Examen of Conscience, my prayer life is the best I can remember it being. The others guys in the house are wonderful and we make time to go out and explore the city together. I'm also preparing for my second marathon on October 18th. Please, pray for me :) as well as for Leah, my sister, who will be running her second marathon in Chicago the week before.

Finally, I hope to post a bit more frequently than I have, maybe once every week or so. If you happen to be interested in learning more about the story of the North American Jesuit Martyrs feel free to check out the links to the Shrine and Huron Center below.

http://www.martyrsshrine.com/index.cfm
http://www.hhp.on.ca/

Celebrating Mass on the Feast of the the Martyrs

The Reconstructed Huron fort

Group shot of Novices from Great Lake, New England and Canadian Provinces.

A Retreat: pockets full of acorns, failed secret passageways and rolled up pant legs

A Retreat: The 13 of us First Years closed our 10 days of orientation with a three day silent retreat. This officially ended our phase of what the Jesuits call, "First Probation." Probation in the Jesuit sense has to do with exposing the novices to a variety of different aspects of Jesuit life and probing the mind and heart on how one reacts to these experiences.
After a run around of events these last two weeks we were all just about ready to sit down and take in what all had happened. Above is a stone I found in one of the gardens on the retreat grounds. It's wisdom struck a cord with my aimed prayerfulness.

Not far past the front doors of Manresa Retreat Center was a plaque and posing of these men ranging in their 1926 professions from store clerks to bankers. This retreat center was named Manresa after the place in Spain which the Jesuit founder wrote his most famous spiritual work and retreat guide; The Spiritual Exercises.

Failed Secret Passage: Once we were cut loose on the spacious and complex retreat center, I stumbled upon a hidden courtyard and winding hallways to new rooms and artwork. Just as I thought I had sought out every corner, my excitement peaked when I spotted this staircase going above the chapel. I hoped it might lead to a new wing or sacred spot. Once I ran to the top I shouldn't have been so surprised to read the very modern sticker on the door notifying me that this was the fire escape for the 2nd floor rooms. Nonetheless the view was enjoyable.

While passing by the hallway I spotted this view of this maple tree colorfully preparing the courtyard for autumn.

This view allowed me to relive my childhood dream of living by a running brook or stream.

Further upstream was this tiny stone chapel and water wheel. To get here I started on one of the paths which I thought was a short cut. After a good walk the path suddenly surrendered as a peninsula to two arms of the stream. Rather then backtrack, I sized up the depth and given the midday warmth I gladly rolled up my pant legs and carried my sandals. The refreshing wading turned a bit more adventurous when I was faced with a 5 foot jump across one concrete canal ledge to the other which led to the water wheel. Overthinking my approaches and angles for the jump, I took a breath, and gripping a tree branch above I prayed for a leap of faith. Just as I swung forward I heard and felt a "CRACK" as my security branch broke. Thankfully I had enough momentum already and landed solidly enough, damp jeans and muddy hands aside.

On this trail I found hundreds of my favorite forest decor: acorns and oak leaves. As has been the custom on Jesuit retreats, I report to my oak tree-loving dad about my finds to which he remarks, "So, did you save me some acorns to plant?" This time I did not forget and crammed my pockets with the prized seed left by the black and brown squirrels.

A Marquette Find: For the Marquette fans out there. There in the Manresa chapel was this framed chalice and note-- In 1912, a Jesuit was saying mass in Northern Michigan with Native Americans. The elders, upon hearing that he was a Jesuit showed him this chalice saying that Fr. Jacques Marquette entrusted them with this chalice before leaving for his final mission. The tribal elders had preserved this chalice since 1670 and thought it should be returned to a Jesuit community.

All in all, the retreat was a success. It allowed me to pause and remember the men and activities which have accompanied me these days. The staff has truly gone out of their way to welcome us and care deeply about our wellness. They are men of great faith yet great openness to how the Spirit is moving within each on of us.

How is the Spirit moving these days?

I have enjoyed my first two weeks here. The second years have given us good advice from everything about where to find a good Spanish mass to how they persevered in prayer through the good and the bad. The first year men have impressed me in our conversations. They have a brilliant knack of knowing how to send ourselves into laughter and when we need to address an elephant in the room. Exactly when you think you're the only one struggling with an issue is when we realize we all are. Like when walking to the Tigers baseball game in downtown Detroit we passed gentleman after gentleman pleading for a quarter. I've been in that situation countless times but each of us now experienced this plea as a "Jesuit novice" with other "novices" for the very first time. We felt on-the-spot and inadequate. During one of the sessions the topic came up and we discussed the tension each of us have between our mission to serve and be with the poor but being living so radically different than the poor . It took some humility to admit that Mother Teresa, Dorothy Day, and Ignatius (as do each one of us) all have different answers to the same situation. Each one of us will continue to ask the question of what is the Jesuit way of living simply and being apostolically effective. The timing is good because classes begin this week and our service starts in a few more, allowing us to discover that answer even more deeply and specifically.

Above all, these movements and this retreat gave me the deepest peace remembering why I applied in the first place. And that indeed was a very centering and peaceful thought. My primary hope was to order my love a little better towards God. There are always other questions and tensions about the here and now and especially about things out of our control like the past and future. Yet, no matter the practicality of the questions, I am at peace knowing that these will all be answered when I pause and remember my first and simple desire for being here: order my love a little better towards God. If I do that, it will be hard to lose my way.

Thank you for all your prayers and wisdom.

First Week Orientating Detroit

These first few weeks of the Novitiate life have offered opportunities for us to orient ourselves to the city, to each other, and to other various Jesuit activities. Once our classes and volunteer work starts in a few weeks things will change a bit, but until then we are enjoying some fun nights exploring town. Here are some of the highlights:

First Stop! Tigers Baseball Game: After one of our morning sessions during the week we found out that the faculty at U of Detroit Jesuit High School and U of Detroit Mercy were not able to go the Tigers baseball game that evening and the tickets were gladly welcomed by our group. It was awesome to go downtown for the first time and checking out the sights. Here are some of the highlights:

The group entering Comerica Park, Tigers versus Indians.

Our view from the outfield bleachers. It was a perfect night for baseball at 75 degrees and sunny.

Joshua responding to the Announcer asking, "who wants a free haircut?" The announcer decided on someone a littttle more deserving, no offense Joshua.

My favorite shot of the night. The idea was to take a picture of Brian, Ryan and Matt in the back row. Then, Pete stood up and blocked my view with his imposing Indians jersey. I shifted to the right only to laugh when two random ladies leaned into the picture as well.

Joshua (with hat) and Gavin (to Joshua's right) enjoy the outfield view next to the Ty Cobb statue.

Walking under the lights.

We sensed a repeating tiger motif around every angle of the park. We decided to take our group shot under this guy.

This one's for Sully. He's a big fan of Billy Dee.

Upon hearing that we had Grenadine in the house and that Pete had never had a Shirley Temple, I promptly remedied the situation.

This past Saturday was a funeral service for an older Jesuit, John Baggardly. We attended the service wearing our clerics (or priest/seminary clothes) for the first time. Being our first public appearance, most of us were a little unsure how we'd feel in the clothes but there was safety in numbers.

The group showing off the clerics for the first time.

Representing well in the choir.

Even helping carry the casket of the late John Baggardly, SJ.

The surrounding area of the Jesuit Retirement home has a golf course called Shepherd's Hollow. It is picturesque and reminds you of being in northern Wisconsin. On such a beautiful day i could not pass up giving my first ever swing at golf.

These were the gentlemen who became my first instructors. I only lost five balls on nine holes...actually that's pretty bad. Did i mention it was a beautiful day? Yeah, let's focus on that.

Here rides Joshua and Jeff.

One of my classmates, James Sand has made a special effort to connect with members of the Jesuit Volunteers Corp. Many of my friends both in the past and currently have participated in this year long program with very similar charisms the Novitiate employs. if you're interested there is more information at: http://www.jesuitvolunteers.org/. We spent the night checking out a great Jazz Festival with Fireworks.

The riverfront looking across to Windsor, Canada. Full moon.

Here is our group of JVs, former JVs and a couple novices.

And the show begins!

These kids changed my perception of fireworks. I'm one of those, "What's the big deal? Aren't they the same over and over again?" Well let me tell you, these kids spent the whole half hour jumping, running, clapping, shouting, marveling, and echoing oohs and ahhs like i've ever heard before. They made us smile ear to ear.

Walking home Andrew and I stumbled upon this stellar motorcade. We posed briefly and then planned out the cross-country road trip we would go on in this dream machine.

We ended our Jazz and Firework evening in Detroit style; eating a coney (hotdog with sloppy joe toppings). Open 24 hours, Hannah posed with her free sucker because she so enthusiastically placed and retrieved her order. DE-Licious.

Well that's all for now. Happy Labor Day everyone. We'll be in touch.

A Picture Perfect Weekend

We Have Arrived! We are a Baker's Dozen. We come from Honolulu, Arizona, Oklahoma, Ohio, Wisconsin and Michigan. Some of us come straight out of college and others at ages 38 and 49. We are happy and excited to be a new part of Loyola House.

Hey look, there is our superior of the house, Fr. Chris Manahan, waving hello to you and me. Pretty much the ultimate "nice guy". You feel peace when you correspond with the man.

My two classmates, Matt L. and Kyle are in the center. Kyle is an amazing man both in accomplishments and in genuinity of heart. He has a B.S. from MIT, M.A. from UCLA, M.B.A. from Northwestern and was development director for the National Council of La Raza, a non-profit focused on reducing poverty and discrimination for Hispanic Americans. Matt is no slouch either having been sent to Guatemala for two years with the Peace Corps, work with Habitat for Humanity and a marathon runner like myself. Some great conversations have been and will be had.

On the right, K-boss or kevin is our second physician in the house and joins us at a ripe age of 49. When he called the vocations director (or Jesuit recruiter) for an application, the first question was a stern, "Are you employed?" Kevin laughed and told him "yes." He began the process on time, especially since the Jesuit age limit for the novitiate is 50 years old. Oh, he's got a sail boat for sale so if anyone's interested, i'll pass the word on.

Matt S., one of the 8 second year novices giving us one of many peculiar looks. Funny faces aside, the second year novices have gone out of their way to make us feel at home (i.e. carrying in our luggage, each being assigned as our guardian angel in case we have any questions, giving tours to ourselves and our parents......pretty much everything short of doing our laundry).

Here are the 5 Wisconsin guys being introduced while my shared bathroom neighbor, Pete, falls victim to the old name tag game of getting a insincere pat on the back, in this case by Brother Jim, who leaves for Haiti this week.

As expected, we eat VERY WELL. Some great conversation was had as moms, dads, and sons mingled. My mom and dad told some stories of being chased by bears while on their honeymoon adventures.......you know, the usual light Jesuit related banter.

p.s. if you look closely you can see mom talking to kevin. she did a b-line to him when she found out that he has attended the same Medical Brigade Program in Honduras that she is passionately in love with. Isn't she great?

Winner of the best humor in the house award, Joshua, takes a moment to admire over 40 years of Jesuit Novice classes in Detroit. One of the two empty spaces will be filled with our own very shortly. Basically Joshua reminds me much of Will Ferrell humor, obviously a bit more tame and with a buzz cut, but just gifted at making the awkward obvious.

Here the Beadle, or Bryan, doing a great job of welcoming us as the head novice by bringing some of our luggage in. As a longtime guitarist i'm looking forward to learning some Dave Matthews (his expertise) and some liturgical music as well.

AND here's the the entire house, the 13 first years, 8 second years, and 3 staff members (minus Sister Theresa). 24 mouths to feed, 24 good men of faith, and 24 great stories and characters to unfold.

I look forward to telling you a little bit more about the novitiate here as well as what life is like. Our busyness seems to kick up next semester when we won't be sleeping in the same town for more than a few weeks going from experiment to experiment, so I'll be trying to soak up the more consistent stay in Detroit until Christmas. Email is a great way to reach me. We'll be starting a few classes soon but most time is available for community, prayer, and exploring the city. Much love to you all. You are most assured of thoughts and prayers daily. I miss you but know life here is very blessed. I feel right at home.

Milking the Goodbyes

In about five hours when the sun comes up I'll have to experience the realization I've been avoiding. I've been saying my goodbyes for weeks and enjoying all the goodness that comes with friends and family telling you how much you mean to them. Yeah, it's been pretty darn affirming. Now the tough part comes. Actually leave those good people behind. It's starting to sink in, as you can tell because ideally i'd be packed and asleep hours ago.

So before I start posting the newfindings of Berkley, MI and the good people there I'll take one moment to remember what life was like when i was milking the goodbyes:

3 separate going away parties for parishioners, family, and friends

Besides the people, the food was the better part of the goodbye get togethers: ribs, white fish, burgers and custard, chipotle, homemade pizza, bacon and eggs over a campfire (just to name a few).

Extra special notes and cards, hugs, phone calls and emails. Gratitude gratitude gratitude for such loving people in my life. Can't have a bad day when you're being told all the time how much you're going to be missed and why.

Packing can be Entertaining:

Do i take an extra bottle of contact solution? One less thing to bring or one less thing to buy on a limited stipend?

No matter how I look at it HALF of my suitcase is shoes: required black and brown dress shoes plus running shoes and winter boots and sandals reminds me more a woman's closet than my rapidly filling suitcase.

Flash from the past compiling old CDs onto my Slacker MP3 player and prepare for the future by downloading a trio of songs I'm working on playing on the guitar (Blackbird, Julia and Here Comes the Sun).

Time for New Beginnings:

I think this is my first road trip with just me and my parents. I hope I get to relive some of those out West road trips with mom resting her feet out the window and dad listening in on the CB radio to all the semi-truck drivers. I won't be fighting with Marc, Katie or Leah over the Gameboy or whose turn it is to lay down in the third seat of the suburban, but i'll be sure to have that family road trip crink in my neck and seat belt mark.

And so it begins!

All for the Greater Glory of God (AMDG)

Following a Trail of Brownie Crumbs

August is a month full of family celebrations. This means mom's baking her wonder brownies overtime. Secret hiding places and notes marked,"SAVE" would usually work for others. I, it seems, have no will power in the face of these chocolate sensations. Thus whenever mom or dad needs to find me, they usually follow the trail of brownie crumbs.

Over the last weeks there has been a trail of sweet joy and sad moments too. Here is one of each:


SWEET JOY: A Nephew is Born:

Noah David Mescher decided it was time to begin life. And the Mescher name lives on. What a blessing it was to hear the joy in my brother's voice as he recounted the experience. And what loving parents Marc and Anne will be para este Noé.

SAD DAY: i'm not too naive to believe that everyone is in love with my decision, priesthood, or the church (and in this case, all three) but boy i gotta admit i was caught off guard when at a friends' birthday party a woman took me aside and very politely asked if she could ask a few questions about my decision.

"Of course!" I've been excitedly responding these days. I was ready for the usual, 'when ya leaving', 'how'd you decide', and 'how do you feel?'

"Have you ever had sex with a woman before?"

(nervous cough/hesitation)

"Um, I'm not really comfortable answering that."

"Any interest in little children? You gay?"

Well, all in all it the conversation passed pretty quickly and harmlessly. But it woke me up out from the illusion that even though i've passed 8 hours of psychological testing, 7 interviews thoroughly discussing every topic immaginable, y mucho mucho mas, i can't escape being associated with the good, the bad, and the ugly i'm signing up for with the Jesuits.

After talking with my dad and a few others i think this week's experience is what a wise man, Henri Nouwen described as life. One of my favorite of his excerpts reads:

Our life is a short time in expectation, a time in which sadness and joy kiss each other at every moment. There is a quality of sadness that pervades all the moments of our life. It seems that there is no such thing as clear-cut pure joy, but that even in the most happy moments of our existence we sense a tinge of sadness. In every satisfaction, there is an awareness of its limitations. In every success, there is the fear of jealousy. Behind every smile, there is a tear. In every embrace, there is loneliness. In every friendship, distance. And in all forms of light, there is the knowledge of surrounding darkness.

Joy and sadness are as close to each other as the splendid colored leaves of a New England fall to the soberness of the barren trees. When you touch the hand of a returning friend, you already know that he will have to leave you again. When you are moved by the quiet vastness of a sun-covered ocean, you miss the friend who cannot see the same. Joy and sadness are born at the same time, both arising from such deep places in your heart that you can't find words to capture your complex emotions.

But this intimate experience in which every bit of life is touched by a bit of death can point us beyond the limits of our existence. It can do so by making us look forward in expectation to the day when our hearts will be filled with perfect joy, a joy no one shall take away from us.

okay good people---much love--and much sweetness (thanks mom for the brownies),
adam