An Unexpected Christmas Gift

Just days before Christmas and the Novitiate house buzzing with holiday excitement, I never anticipated that I would be packing my bags not just for a home visit but a return home. After experiencing a severe panic attack, it was decided between the Jesuit staff and myself to take a break from the novitiate program and take the time necessary to take care of myself close to family and appropriate resources.

I have felt frightened, embarrassed, disappointed, and mostly confused. But because Christ is born, that means dawn will break after a long dark night. And all of this unexpected newness is always transformed into a GIFT. I was told by a good friend that the road to recovery is not a straight line. But you and I know that it is God's greatest quality to make straight with crooked paths. The gift of this tough reality of leaving the Jesuits is that I can focus more radically on myself, my needs, and my relationship with God. It may sound a bit odd that now I can focus on the God-I relationship leaving the Jesuits for a time, but one can use a great program like the Jesuits as a distraction from what one needs most. I am face to face with that reality now.

So as my brothers prepare for their 30 days silent retreat I will pray from them and begin my own retreat, St. Ignatius' 19th annotation of the Spiritual Exercises (a version of the 30 days spread over several months) to keep me connected and rooted to my Jesuit passion. I have a great man as a Jesuit spiritual director.

I've appreciated all your support to get me to this point and I will continue to keep you updated on where I am going.

First step now being back in the real world: take things slow but eventually a car, job, cell phone and apartment.

Life is a gift and I and grateful to celebrate this Christmas with all of you. Christ our savior has given us every good thing in our lives and constantly wants to transform the crooked lines to make them straight. Pray that I allow him to do so these coming days and weeks ahead.

God Bless you this Christmas and may you receive every blessing, even the unexpected ones.

My Man

One word that comes to mind when asked to describe novitiate life is generous. The extent of resources and support systems that are put in place for our well being is overwhelming.

Fulfilling job? yes, definitely. teaching children and visiting the elderly.
Eats? oh man, Miss Kris Lee can make everything between a mean pot-roast to middle eastern magic.
Shelter? a house of the most caring and generous 24 men i've ever met.
Prayer? never better with weekly spiritual direction, daily mass and communal prayer, weekly faith sharing, nature walks and runs all contemplating a God who loves me more than i can ever believe or accept.

I could go on and on, but honestly, it is a bit hard at times to realize that I'm this well taken care of when i know many are not. Overall, i accept the reality i live in and the challenge it presents to me to give generously back. I know that all this lavish love is building a foundation within me to allow me to be the man God imagines me to be. By being ministered to now, i can hopefully be a better minister in the future. By receiving more than I can give back now, i will be able to give generous even when I may not be receiving anything later.

But there are moments when the tough realities of the world finds a way to reach me and the stark divide of lavish goods between myself and many of our brothers and sisters is evident. A few nights ago this very feeling was real as a man approached my parents and I in a parking lot. He explained he had just been in a fight with his wife. He pointed to his blackened eyes and asked us to help him with a few dollars so he could prepare for an interview the next day. As we ate our dinner the reality began to settle in that there are many so close among us who struggle to live decently day to day.

Tonight, it was watching my current favorite film, A Patch of Blue. I think I find this movie so moving because it reminds me of the stark reality of many of the youth I worked with and befriended as a Youth Minister in Milwaukee. So when I watched the film unfold again and witness all the trash our world has dumped out, I not only feel a twinge of uneasiness but helplessness as well.

But God always seems to find little ways to bring me back from my feelings of helplessness and remind me how to love in the Jesuit charism of small ways now so as to be trusted with larger love later. And here is how he showed me:

I was making my way towards my guilty-pleasure oasis; the local Panera for a my favorite comfort food, broccoli cheddar soup bread bowl and a cafe mocha. I saw a familiar face approaching the entrance after me. He was coming from his beat-up work van. I recognized his mostly salt and less pepper untrimmed beard and patched work clothes. I have to admit i was motivated by guilt. The week before i spied this man in Panera and honestly thought he might be homeless. Seeing his work van made me embarrassed and I realized how hard he might be working to make ends meet. So i stalled to get to the door just enough so i could hold it open for him. he said two words that not only healed my guilt but put pep in my step. His popped up and flashed me a smiling saying, "My man." Two words. No big deal. But i cherish that encounter as a reminder there are many large but sometimes small ways to reconcile my life of "haves" while living in a world many "have nots."

Lord, teach me to receive your love generously. And teach me to give as generously as you.

20th Anniversary of the Martyrs of El Salvador

November 16th marked the 20th Anniversary of the brutal killings of 6 Jesuit Priests and 2 women in San Salvador. These Martyrs of El Salvador were killed because they believed in faith that does justice. There blood was scattered like many before them during El Salvador's civil war which ended in 1992. These martyrs could have fled or tempered their words, but instead they continued teaching and preaching at the Jesuit University in San Salvador.


Many of you know that my semester abroad in El Salvador was an especially formative for my faith and especially for faith that does justice. Within a few days of our arrival in a country the size of Massachusetts, our program directors guided our culture-shocked selves on the 15 minute stroll from our homes to the gates of the Jesuit University, the University of Central America (UCA). These were the same gates the assassins forced open in the early morning hours and quickly moved to the Jesuit residence behind the chapel. Tracing the steps of the soldiers toward their targets, our conversation quieted as we walked down the hallway passing the rooms where the Jesuits and their companions were rudely awakened and dragged out into a grassy area. The students and I spread ourselves out in this small garden and imagined each of the Jesuits being ordered to lay face down.

Why were these Jesuits such a threat? Weren't they just academic professors with Roman collars? Sure maybe they roused communities with their preaching against oppressive social structures, but did this warrant death squads breaking into a quiet campus on a moonlit night?

The Jesuits laid in the grass for a few moments before the soldiers executed them. The target was the head of each Jesuit. These men were seen as the intellectual brainpower behind the revolution. They were falsely-accused of supporting Marxism and armed conflict. The real threat was their gospel and Christ they preached. They were not simply professors, but prophets of hope. They believed in a country that was not destitute. And so they could not support a government that promoted the good of a few at the expense of starvation and degradation of millions. This is why these men died. They believed in faith that does justice.

Elba and Celina, the two innocent women killed among the Jesuits, actually fled to the UCA campus seeking refuge. Celina's mother approached the Jesuits when they could no longer sleep in their house because of the sounds of whizzing bullets and regular bombings so closeby. How disheartening to hear that only a few weeks later these women were killed in the same evening as the Jesuits so as to prevent any report of a witness. Later, Elba's surviving husband planted eight rose bushes in the same grassy area the Jesuits laid down and spilled their blood. After he was able to grieve, he spoke about losing his wife and daughter among the Jesuits. He hoped that the death of his loved ones would inspire a greater respect for women in El Salvador and that women would continue to be strong and rise to fight sinful oppression. Today the eight rose bushes continue to represent life out of death, hope out of horror.

This week we remember these eight martyrs, more informally known as Ellacu, Nacho, Juan Ramon, Amando, Segundo, Tio Quin, Elba and Celina. Each of them lived an exceptional life of service to the disadvantaged. For more information about these holy people I've attached an article from Santa Clara University.

This weekend many of the Jesuit Novices will join the others from the Jesuit High School and University here in Detroit to honor these martyrs at the National Ignatian Teach-in located in Georgia. Pray for us and join me in prayer for the people of El Salvador.

I pray that we all may be inspired by their witness to faith that does justice in whatever God inspires and enables in our own life, no matter how small.

From Hogwarts to Jeff Foxworthy

These last few days have been especially full so I thought I'd offer some highlights:

• Halloween was blast hanging out with the Jesuit Volunteers Corp members of Detroit. Harry Potter was the costume of choice this year (see photo above)
  
• There seems to be a making of a band among the four novices in my ministry group. We've been asked to perform a Hawaiian Luao at the nursing home and this week to fill in for the choir director at the all school mass. There also seems to be a making of a reality tv show since the late night practices have gotten more tense with sarcastic comments leading to the occasional tussle....just kidding....well kind of. I'll keep you updated on further developments ;)
  
• I pulled a Jeff Foxworthy and decided to go head to head with the smartest math student in the 5th grade class (and probably the entire school). While it seemed like a good idea at the time to do a multiplication table timed quiz, i ended up losing by 10 seconds. Staying true to Foxworthy, I stood in front of the class and said, "My name is Adam Mescher and I am NOT smarter than a fifth grader."
• On a more academically positive note, to the appreciation of my housemates i have put some of my A+ math homework scores from the 5th grade on the refrigerator (believe it or not i do actually teach some of the time ;)
  
• Over the picture perfect weekend we enjoyed some glorious autumn football scrimmages in the backyard
• Mom's collarbone surgery went well, alright mom!
  
• Just heard that mom and pops might be able to visit after thanksgiving. This is extra special since this will be their first thanksgiving without any of their kiddies and my first ever thanksgiving away from home (finally growing up i guess).
  
• This is a great segway to mention that my visitation restrictions expire after Thanksgiving. So if you're passing through or interested in stopping by we would gladly put you up!
  
• The nursing home votes were tallied from the pumpkin decoration contest and our Hawaiian Pumpkin beauty was one of the finalists.
  
• Being all-time quarterback with the 4th graders at recess
  
• When I felt like part of the cool crowd when one of the staff at the school invited me to have lunch with them in the teacher's lounge.
• 4 birthdays this month in the house which means plenty of hilarious skits and delicious desserts (yes mom, i'm running more to counter the calories)
  
• Community Creative prayer has been boomtastic lately as well as most of the guys' homilies.
  
• Tried my first yoga class partly to prevent injuries for my running as well as for meditative reasons and found it even more enjoyable and tiring than i imagined.
  
• Three guys considering applying to the Jesuits visited last weekend and one of them had visited El Salvador which led to a long and exciting conversation about the 20th anniversary of the Jesuits killlings which we will honor on November 16th of this month. More info at: http://onlineministries.creighton.edu/CollaborativeMinistry/Martyrs/UCA/index.html
  
• finally some awesome care packages have arrived in the form of :
  
• #1 two Boston College/Jesuit t-shirts (my brother can sense when my old tees are fraying)
  
• #2 letters, photos and preschool art projects from JoJo and the Glafckes
• #3 another round of brownies from mom for the house (even with her broken collarbone)
  
• #4 and my favorite and the famous Bay Bakery cookies for Halloween from grandma gloria
  

THANKS SO MUCH AND EVERY GOOD BLESSING TO YOU AND YOURS

4th Grade Lunch

I sit down at the cafeteria table with the fourth graders. This week is my first week of teaching religion with them. They are glad to begin trading between their hot and cold lunches and I am glad for a break from lesson plans and classroom discipline.

I look across to see Andrew, who has not said a word. I watch him silently struggling to open his chocolate milk. Remember how those carton openings can easily disobey?

Finally the buck tooth 10 year-old throws his hands up in the air declaring:

"BLAST this infernal contraption!"

I double over laughing as I reach to help open the carton.
All is right with the world.

A Post This Side of Christmas

Here I sit at the computer listening to a CD mix from a good friend, Nic. Sure enough he slipped in Christmas music while Halloween is still two weeks away. You see, Nic is famous for listening to Christmas music in July. By August, he has changed his bed sheets and comforter to wintry reindeer and snowmen themes. With Nic's tunes in the background, I checked my blog and was quite surprised to see my last post to be nearly a month ago! Wow, time flies. Well, in the spirit of Nic's over early zeal and my under aware mindset, i thought i'd at least get one post in before Christmas :)

There are three experiences that stand out over the last few weeks that I'd like to share:

1. A Marathon Sunrise
2. Becoming Trilingual at the Nursing Home
3. A Book Recommendation with Favorite Quote

#1 Given the national news over the three premature deaths in the Detroit Marathon, I am especially grateful for a healthy finish of the enjoyable, yet exhausting 26.2 miles. An unforgettable image was climbing the Ambassador Bridge in dawn's darkness surrounded side by side and front to back by 19,000 other runners making their way above the Detroit River into Canada. I hear and look to my right where there is a woman with her eyes closed softly singing with the song from her iPod, "Here Comes the Sun." I smile and look to my left where the sun is peaking above the water which separates the downtown skylines of Detroit, Michigan and Windsor, Ontario. Such was the atmosphere of the perfect autumn day. About 10 housemates served as rambunctious spectators and motivational runners when my legs started to give out at mile 20. My current limp does make me wonder if I could have served my body better in another form of endurance and discipline, but it also reminds me of those special moments I shared among thousands of other runners who found God in many things that day.

#2 Our schedule in the house has grown to include 4 hours volunteering for 4 days a week at a nursing home. We are to be Pastoral Care Volunteers which is a fancy term for chatting with the residents. This is not to diminish that we do share some profoundly sacred moments with our friends. The first few days, I noticed that I was naturally drawn to those patients who were eager to initiate conversation with me. It took a few days before I had the courage to approach one woman who was pretty far in the stages of dementia. I noticed her arms we crossed up onto her chest with each fist clenched tightly. She looked cold and uncomfortable. Her eyes looked blankly up at the ceiling, reminding me of how distance we were. I hesitated, thinking that my preliminary questions would come off impersonal and unimportant. I attempted some kind of headway with, "How are you feeling, today?" I sensed an equal hesitation on her part as her cloudy blue eyes met mine. She began only slowly with a few repeated mumbled sounds, as if to test intentions. And thus began my work on a new language. She let me ask seemingly impersonal and basic questions and I let her mumble. We're learning a lot from the residents as the face of Christ becomes more and more obvious within them.

#3 Lastly, I have recently devoured a 400 page book in a matter of a few days. Anyone who knows me knows that I don't make a habit of sitting down and reading a book cover to cover. This one is named The Sparrow, by Mary Doria Russell. The timing of the book is perfect because my reflection papers for our classes on the vows of poverty, chastity and obedience have gotten a bit dry. The writing about these real Jesuit characters inspired me for the more challenging topic of chastity. I'd like to share my favorite passage. The Jesuit character is talking with his closest friend, Anne, about a profound experience of God he just had and is trying with difficultly to put it into words. I especially enjoy Emilio's, the Jesuit speaking, twist at the end:

"Inside me, everything makes sense, everything I've done, everything that ever happened to me--it was all leading up to this, to where we are now. But, Anne, it's frightening and I don't know why..."

She wanted to see if he had more but when he fell silent, she decided to take a shot in the dark.

"You know what's the most terrifying thing about admitting that you're in love? You are just naked. You put yourself in harm's way and you lay down all your defenses. No clothes, no weapons. Nowhere to hide. Completely vulnerable. The only thing that makes it tolerable is to believe the other person loves you back and that you can trust him not to hurt you."

He looked at he astounded. "Yes. Exactly. That's how it feels when I let myself believe...But it has started to feel like I am being rude and ungrateful, do you understand? To keep on doubting. That God loves me. Personally."

Well folks, I leave you with that. I am in the process of making sense of those moments where I have felt the similar love BUT most especially coming to terms with how to respond to the great love and vulnerability. It is natural to struggle in the "how" to return that profound love or even just to maintain that attitude of gratitude during the mundane days. Yet, to doubt God's personal love DOES seem rude and ungrateful in light of those special moments. This is something I am pondering and praying with. I hope all is well with you and cannot wait to hear from you.

Again, I hope to post every other week or so, but just in case, Feliz Navidad :)

Alllowing Autumn and this Vocation to Settle In

One of my favorite authors C.S. Lewis sums up thousands of years of theology of God and heaven into a very simple formula: "Salvation is taking a step...and taking another step."

There have been moments these last few weeks where I have thought, "Come on, is it really that simple? Is it true Lord, that all you ask of me is to move but just one step closer towards to you?" On the other hand, there have been difficult moments these past few weeks where I have thought, "Why do you constantly ask more of me Lord. Can't you see that I am confused, hurting, lost? Let me retreat to something more secure and comfortable instead."


This past weekend the 13 of us novices journeyed north to the Shrine of the North American Martyrs. It was there in Midland, Ontario we heard the stories of men and women who what it meant to take a saving step towards Christ. Amidst the wigwams and long houses we stood in the rebuilt chapel of the Huron Native Tribe, formally built in the 1600s. We listened to the story of the Jesuits who came from France and put themselves humbly at the service of the Huron people. We heard of the positives steps these men took towards learning the Huron language and in their evangelization sent word to the surprise of Europe that these Natives tribes embodied a deep spirituality and knowledge of God in their everyday life and customs. Unfortunately their work suffered a terrible loss when the rival Iroquois tribe thought these black robed priests to be sorcerers. Around 1649 the Iroquois attacked the Huron Fort several times and killed the smaller Huron Tribe. Among the dead were all 7 Jesuits missioned to serve the Huron people.

You can imagine that from this crude summary we heard and saw a tremendous loyalty to taking saving steps towards Christ. I was especially moved by this past weekend since Midland, Ontario was where I first felt the God's invitation to consider religious life. It was the summer before my sophomore at Marquette High School that World Youth Day was held in Toronto and thank God, our leaders had us stop and at Midland to hear the story of the 7 Jesuit Martyrs and Saints.

After our weekend visiting the Martyrs Shrine and revisiting the beginnings of my vocation story, I have found myself more at peace here at the Novitiate. Before the trip, my mind was full of many questions that could not have answers at this time. I am glad to have found a rhythm here and am taking those steps more confidently and peacefully toward Christ. We have been well on our way in our life here at the Novitiate. We are studying each vow of poverty, chastity, and obedience. Also, we have a Jesuit Institute class where we are currently practicing homiletics. Last night I gave my first-ever homily to the house. In addition, we have a humorous Spanish teacher who has already helped me to clean up some of my poor phrasing and slang. Next week I will begin orienting and serving several hours each day at a Nursing Home, at the Jesuit Retirement home, and also teaching religion for the Catholic grade school across the street.

Life here is full. I have not missed a daily liturgy of the Eucharist in over a month and with morning prayer together with the Ignatian Examen of Conscience, my prayer life is the best I can remember it being. The others guys in the house are wonderful and we make time to go out and explore the city together. I'm also preparing for my second marathon on October 18th. Please, pray for me :) as well as for Leah, my sister, who will be running her second marathon in Chicago the week before.

Finally, I hope to post a bit more frequently than I have, maybe once every week or so. If you happen to be interested in learning more about the story of the North American Jesuit Martyrs feel free to check out the links to the Shrine and Huron Center below.

http://www.martyrsshrine.com/index.cfm
http://www.hhp.on.ca/

Celebrating Mass on the Feast of the the Martyrs

The Reconstructed Huron fort

Group shot of Novices from Great Lake, New England and Canadian Provinces.

A Retreat: pockets full of acorns, failed secret passageways and rolled up pant legs

A Retreat: The 13 of us First Years closed our 10 days of orientation with a three day silent retreat. This officially ended our phase of what the Jesuits call, "First Probation." Probation in the Jesuit sense has to do with exposing the novices to a variety of different aspects of Jesuit life and probing the mind and heart on how one reacts to these experiences.
After a run around of events these last two weeks we were all just about ready to sit down and take in what all had happened. Above is a stone I found in one of the gardens on the retreat grounds. It's wisdom struck a cord with my aimed prayerfulness.

Not far past the front doors of Manresa Retreat Center was a plaque and posing of these men ranging in their 1926 professions from store clerks to bankers. This retreat center was named Manresa after the place in Spain which the Jesuit founder wrote his most famous spiritual work and retreat guide; The Spiritual Exercises.

Failed Secret Passage: Once we were cut loose on the spacious and complex retreat center, I stumbled upon a hidden courtyard and winding hallways to new rooms and artwork. Just as I thought I had sought out every corner, my excitement peaked when I spotted this staircase going above the chapel. I hoped it might lead to a new wing or sacred spot. Once I ran to the top I shouldn't have been so surprised to read the very modern sticker on the door notifying me that this was the fire escape for the 2nd floor rooms. Nonetheless the view was enjoyable.

While passing by the hallway I spotted this view of this maple tree colorfully preparing the courtyard for autumn.

This view allowed me to relive my childhood dream of living by a running brook or stream.

Further upstream was this tiny stone chapel and water wheel. To get here I started on one of the paths which I thought was a short cut. After a good walk the path suddenly surrendered as a peninsula to two arms of the stream. Rather then backtrack, I sized up the depth and given the midday warmth I gladly rolled up my pant legs and carried my sandals. The refreshing wading turned a bit more adventurous when I was faced with a 5 foot jump across one concrete canal ledge to the other which led to the water wheel. Overthinking my approaches and angles for the jump, I took a breath, and gripping a tree branch above I prayed for a leap of faith. Just as I swung forward I heard and felt a "CRACK" as my security branch broke. Thankfully I had enough momentum already and landed solidly enough, damp jeans and muddy hands aside.

On this trail I found hundreds of my favorite forest decor: acorns and oak leaves. As has been the custom on Jesuit retreats, I report to my oak tree-loving dad about my finds to which he remarks, "So, did you save me some acorns to plant?" This time I did not forget and crammed my pockets with the prized seed left by the black and brown squirrels.

A Marquette Find: For the Marquette fans out there. There in the Manresa chapel was this framed chalice and note-- In 1912, a Jesuit was saying mass in Northern Michigan with Native Americans. The elders, upon hearing that he was a Jesuit showed him this chalice saying that Fr. Jacques Marquette entrusted them with this chalice before leaving for his final mission. The tribal elders had preserved this chalice since 1670 and thought it should be returned to a Jesuit community.

All in all, the retreat was a success. It allowed me to pause and remember the men and activities which have accompanied me these days. The staff has truly gone out of their way to welcome us and care deeply about our wellness. They are men of great faith yet great openness to how the Spirit is moving within each on of us.

How is the Spirit moving these days?

I have enjoyed my first two weeks here. The second years have given us good advice from everything about where to find a good Spanish mass to how they persevered in prayer through the good and the bad. The first year men have impressed me in our conversations. They have a brilliant knack of knowing how to send ourselves into laughter and when we need to address an elephant in the room. Exactly when you think you're the only one struggling with an issue is when we realize we all are. Like when walking to the Tigers baseball game in downtown Detroit we passed gentleman after gentleman pleading for a quarter. I've been in that situation countless times but each of us now experienced this plea as a "Jesuit novice" with other "novices" for the very first time. We felt on-the-spot and inadequate. During one of the sessions the topic came up and we discussed the tension each of us have between our mission to serve and be with the poor but being living so radically different than the poor . It took some humility to admit that Mother Teresa, Dorothy Day, and Ignatius (as do each one of us) all have different answers to the same situation. Each one of us will continue to ask the question of what is the Jesuit way of living simply and being apostolically effective. The timing is good because classes begin this week and our service starts in a few more, allowing us to discover that answer even more deeply and specifically.

Above all, these movements and this retreat gave me the deepest peace remembering why I applied in the first place. And that indeed was a very centering and peaceful thought. My primary hope was to order my love a little better towards God. There are always other questions and tensions about the here and now and especially about things out of our control like the past and future. Yet, no matter the practicality of the questions, I am at peace knowing that these will all be answered when I pause and remember my first and simple desire for being here: order my love a little better towards God. If I do that, it will be hard to lose my way.

Thank you for all your prayers and wisdom.

First Week Orientating Detroit

These first few weeks of the Novitiate life have offered opportunities for us to orient ourselves to the city, to each other, and to other various Jesuit activities. Once our classes and volunteer work starts in a few weeks things will change a bit, but until then we are enjoying some fun nights exploring town. Here are some of the highlights:

First Stop! Tigers Baseball Game: After one of our morning sessions during the week we found out that the faculty at U of Detroit Jesuit High School and U of Detroit Mercy were not able to go the Tigers baseball game that evening and the tickets were gladly welcomed by our group. It was awesome to go downtown for the first time and checking out the sights. Here are some of the highlights:

The group entering Comerica Park, Tigers versus Indians.

Our view from the outfield bleachers. It was a perfect night for baseball at 75 degrees and sunny.

Joshua responding to the Announcer asking, "who wants a free haircut?" The announcer decided on someone a littttle more deserving, no offense Joshua.

My favorite shot of the night. The idea was to take a picture of Brian, Ryan and Matt in the back row. Then, Pete stood up and blocked my view with his imposing Indians jersey. I shifted to the right only to laugh when two random ladies leaned into the picture as well.

Joshua (with hat) and Gavin (to Joshua's right) enjoy the outfield view next to the Ty Cobb statue.

Walking under the lights.

We sensed a repeating tiger motif around every angle of the park. We decided to take our group shot under this guy.

This one's for Sully. He's a big fan of Billy Dee.

Upon hearing that we had Grenadine in the house and that Pete had never had a Shirley Temple, I promptly remedied the situation.

This past Saturday was a funeral service for an older Jesuit, John Baggardly. We attended the service wearing our clerics (or priest/seminary clothes) for the first time. Being our first public appearance, most of us were a little unsure how we'd feel in the clothes but there was safety in numbers.

The group showing off the clerics for the first time.

Representing well in the choir.

Even helping carry the casket of the late John Baggardly, SJ.

The surrounding area of the Jesuit Retirement home has a golf course called Shepherd's Hollow. It is picturesque and reminds you of being in northern Wisconsin. On such a beautiful day i could not pass up giving my first ever swing at golf.

These were the gentlemen who became my first instructors. I only lost five balls on nine holes...actually that's pretty bad. Did i mention it was a beautiful day? Yeah, let's focus on that.

Here rides Joshua and Jeff.

One of my classmates, James Sand has made a special effort to connect with members of the Jesuit Volunteers Corp. Many of my friends both in the past and currently have participated in this year long program with very similar charisms the Novitiate employs. if you're interested there is more information at: http://www.jesuitvolunteers.org/. We spent the night checking out a great Jazz Festival with Fireworks.

The riverfront looking across to Windsor, Canada. Full moon.

Here is our group of JVs, former JVs and a couple novices.

And the show begins!

These kids changed my perception of fireworks. I'm one of those, "What's the big deal? Aren't they the same over and over again?" Well let me tell you, these kids spent the whole half hour jumping, running, clapping, shouting, marveling, and echoing oohs and ahhs like i've ever heard before. They made us smile ear to ear.

Walking home Andrew and I stumbled upon this stellar motorcade. We posed briefly and then planned out the cross-country road trip we would go on in this dream machine.

We ended our Jazz and Firework evening in Detroit style; eating a coney (hotdog with sloppy joe toppings). Open 24 hours, Hannah posed with her free sucker because she so enthusiastically placed and retrieved her order. DE-Licious.

Well that's all for now. Happy Labor Day everyone. We'll be in touch.

A Picture Perfect Weekend

We Have Arrived! We are a Baker's Dozen. We come from Honolulu, Arizona, Oklahoma, Ohio, Wisconsin and Michigan. Some of us come straight out of college and others at ages 38 and 49. We are happy and excited to be a new part of Loyola House.

Hey look, there is our superior of the house, Fr. Chris Manahan, waving hello to you and me. Pretty much the ultimate "nice guy". You feel peace when you correspond with the man.

My two classmates, Matt L. and Kyle are in the center. Kyle is an amazing man both in accomplishments and in genuinity of heart. He has a B.S. from MIT, M.A. from UCLA, M.B.A. from Northwestern and was development director for the National Council of La Raza, a non-profit focused on reducing poverty and discrimination for Hispanic Americans. Matt is no slouch either having been sent to Guatemala for two years with the Peace Corps, work with Habitat for Humanity and a marathon runner like myself. Some great conversations have been and will be had.

On the right, K-boss or kevin is our second physician in the house and joins us at a ripe age of 49. When he called the vocations director (or Jesuit recruiter) for an application, the first question was a stern, "Are you employed?" Kevin laughed and told him "yes." He began the process on time, especially since the Jesuit age limit for the novitiate is 50 years old. Oh, he's got a sail boat for sale so if anyone's interested, i'll pass the word on.

Matt S., one of the 8 second year novices giving us one of many peculiar looks. Funny faces aside, the second year novices have gone out of their way to make us feel at home (i.e. carrying in our luggage, each being assigned as our guardian angel in case we have any questions, giving tours to ourselves and our parents......pretty much everything short of doing our laundry).

Here are the 5 Wisconsin guys being introduced while my shared bathroom neighbor, Pete, falls victim to the old name tag game of getting a insincere pat on the back, in this case by Brother Jim, who leaves for Haiti this week.

As expected, we eat VERY WELL. Some great conversation was had as moms, dads, and sons mingled. My mom and dad told some stories of being chased by bears while on their honeymoon adventures.......you know, the usual light Jesuit related banter.

p.s. if you look closely you can see mom talking to kevin. she did a b-line to him when she found out that he has attended the same Medical Brigade Program in Honduras that she is passionately in love with. Isn't she great?

Winner of the best humor in the house award, Joshua, takes a moment to admire over 40 years of Jesuit Novice classes in Detroit. One of the two empty spaces will be filled with our own very shortly. Basically Joshua reminds me much of Will Ferrell humor, obviously a bit more tame and with a buzz cut, but just gifted at making the awkward obvious.

Here the Beadle, or Bryan, doing a great job of welcoming us as the head novice by bringing some of our luggage in. As a longtime guitarist i'm looking forward to learning some Dave Matthews (his expertise) and some liturgical music as well.

AND here's the the entire house, the 13 first years, 8 second years, and 3 staff members (minus Sister Theresa). 24 mouths to feed, 24 good men of faith, and 24 great stories and characters to unfold.

I look forward to telling you a little bit more about the novitiate here as well as what life is like. Our busyness seems to kick up next semester when we won't be sleeping in the same town for more than a few weeks going from experiment to experiment, so I'll be trying to soak up the more consistent stay in Detroit until Christmas. Email is a great way to reach me. We'll be starting a few classes soon but most time is available for community, prayer, and exploring the city. Much love to you all. You are most assured of thoughts and prayers daily. I miss you but know life here is very blessed. I feel right at home.

Milking the Goodbyes

In about five hours when the sun comes up I'll have to experience the realization I've been avoiding. I've been saying my goodbyes for weeks and enjoying all the goodness that comes with friends and family telling you how much you mean to them. Yeah, it's been pretty darn affirming. Now the tough part comes. Actually leave those good people behind. It's starting to sink in, as you can tell because ideally i'd be packed and asleep hours ago.

So before I start posting the newfindings of Berkley, MI and the good people there I'll take one moment to remember what life was like when i was milking the goodbyes:

3 separate going away parties for parishioners, family, and friends

Besides the people, the food was the better part of the goodbye get togethers: ribs, white fish, burgers and custard, chipotle, homemade pizza, bacon and eggs over a campfire (just to name a few).

Extra special notes and cards, hugs, phone calls and emails. Gratitude gratitude gratitude for such loving people in my life. Can't have a bad day when you're being told all the time how much you're going to be missed and why.

Packing can be Entertaining:

Do i take an extra bottle of contact solution? One less thing to bring or one less thing to buy on a limited stipend?

No matter how I look at it HALF of my suitcase is shoes: required black and brown dress shoes plus running shoes and winter boots and sandals reminds me more a woman's closet than my rapidly filling suitcase.

Flash from the past compiling old CDs onto my Slacker MP3 player and prepare for the future by downloading a trio of songs I'm working on playing on the guitar (Blackbird, Julia and Here Comes the Sun).

Time for New Beginnings:

I think this is my first road trip with just me and my parents. I hope I get to relive some of those out West road trips with mom resting her feet out the window and dad listening in on the CB radio to all the semi-truck drivers. I won't be fighting with Marc, Katie or Leah over the Gameboy or whose turn it is to lay down in the third seat of the suburban, but i'll be sure to have that family road trip crink in my neck and seat belt mark.

And so it begins!

All for the Greater Glory of God (AMDG)

Following a Trail of Brownie Crumbs

August is a month full of family celebrations. This means mom's baking her wonder brownies overtime. Secret hiding places and notes marked,"SAVE" would usually work for others. I, it seems, have no will power in the face of these chocolate sensations. Thus whenever mom or dad needs to find me, they usually follow the trail of brownie crumbs.

Over the last weeks there has been a trail of sweet joy and sad moments too. Here is one of each:


SWEET JOY: A Nephew is Born:

Noah David Mescher decided it was time to begin life. And the Mescher name lives on. What a blessing it was to hear the joy in my brother's voice as he recounted the experience. And what loving parents Marc and Anne will be para este Noé.

SAD DAY: i'm not too naive to believe that everyone is in love with my decision, priesthood, or the church (and in this case, all three) but boy i gotta admit i was caught off guard when at a friends' birthday party a woman took me aside and very politely asked if she could ask a few questions about my decision.

"Of course!" I've been excitedly responding these days. I was ready for the usual, 'when ya leaving', 'how'd you decide', and 'how do you feel?'

"Have you ever had sex with a woman before?"

(nervous cough/hesitation)

"Um, I'm not really comfortable answering that."

"Any interest in little children? You gay?"

Well, all in all it the conversation passed pretty quickly and harmlessly. But it woke me up out from the illusion that even though i've passed 8 hours of psychological testing, 7 interviews thoroughly discussing every topic immaginable, y mucho mucho mas, i can't escape being associated with the good, the bad, and the ugly i'm signing up for with the Jesuits.

After talking with my dad and a few others i think this week's experience is what a wise man, Henri Nouwen described as life. One of my favorite of his excerpts reads:

Our life is a short time in expectation, a time in which sadness and joy kiss each other at every moment. There is a quality of sadness that pervades all the moments of our life. It seems that there is no such thing as clear-cut pure joy, but that even in the most happy moments of our existence we sense a tinge of sadness. In every satisfaction, there is an awareness of its limitations. In every success, there is the fear of jealousy. Behind every smile, there is a tear. In every embrace, there is loneliness. In every friendship, distance. And in all forms of light, there is the knowledge of surrounding darkness.

Joy and sadness are as close to each other as the splendid colored leaves of a New England fall to the soberness of the barren trees. When you touch the hand of a returning friend, you already know that he will have to leave you again. When you are moved by the quiet vastness of a sun-covered ocean, you miss the friend who cannot see the same. Joy and sadness are born at the same time, both arising from such deep places in your heart that you can't find words to capture your complex emotions.

But this intimate experience in which every bit of life is touched by a bit of death can point us beyond the limits of our existence. It can do so by making us look forward in expectation to the day when our hearts will be filled with perfect joy, a joy no one shall take away from us.

okay good people---much love--and much sweetness (thanks mom for the brownies),
adam

What IS a Jesuit+ Interesting Facts

I know that everyone has a different level of familiarity with the Jesuits and might appreciate some resources or basic facts to go off of. Even for myself, having been around Jesuits for the last 10 years, I have had to ask many questions about what these next couple of years will look like. So here is a basic start which i might add on to later on:

1. WHAT IS A JESUIT: The main Jesuit website can be found at http://www.jesuit.org/ Summed up the Jesuits are a Catholic religious order similar to Franciscans or Dominicans. What makes them unique is there rule of St. Ignatius and his philosophy of being "Contemplatives in Action." Dominicans (at one time) were separated from society in monasteries. And Franciscans were completely immersed with the poor and marginalized people. Jesuits are seen to have a balance of the two to maintain their work for God.

2. Favorite spelling attempt of "Jesuit": one of the youth in the parish tried J-E-S-O-W-E-T

3. Least favorite part of the interview process: well, besides waiting a couple of weeks for an answer, I'd say an interview that went 5 hours got a little tedious and tiring at the end.

4. Best part of the interview process: sitting down with experienced Jesuits and colleagues of Jesuits and having some of the best conversations of my life talking about what i love am most passionate about: faith, community, service, vows of chastity, poverty and obedience!

5. Favorite Movie About Jesuits: The Mission, with Robert De Niro winning the 1986 Cannes Film Festival and nominated for 7 Academy Awards.....unforgettable music and story. I highly recommend it!

6. Average timeline for ordination: 9 years

7. Average number of parishioners and people who confusingly think i'll be a priest the day i arrive in Detroit this August: 1 in 4

8. What I am most excited about: having a true sense of direction with a program whose mission captures the core of who i am.

9. What I am most nervous about: since these first two years are light on studies and heavy on traveling, retreats, and community life---will the following years be a hard act to follow! And of course, since i've been spoiled by being around family as much as i could want these last 23 years, it'll be real tough to only come home for Christmas for the first two years.

10. Funniest series of questions asked by some of the youth: Youth: "Will you be allowed to drink?" Me: "Yeah, in moderation of course." Youth: "Is it against the rules to hang out with us like before?" Me: "Haha, yeah of course not." Youth: "So, will you be able to still have fun and stuff as a Jesuit." Me: "Man, i don't know what you think of religious life, but oh yeah it'll be a blast."

11. Most interesting item on the "what to bring and not to bring" list: Cooking--you are encourage to know how to cook several meals as you will be expected to take regular turn at cooking for the community. So thanks mom for teaching me lasagna and chili and katie for the banana bread recipe. Any other good ones?

If this triggers any other questions or comments you may have, PLEASE feel free to let me know.

The Defining Moment

Life is more easily understood with defining moments, clear cut paths, and with a passion that convinces us we'd never want to live apart from love at its fullest. So, people want to know: Was there a defining moment when deciding to apply to the Jesuits? Absolutely, without a doubt. But, it was nothing like I thought it would be like.


My good friend Padre Jose Moreno often explains the difference between faith and belief. You can believe something to be true, but to have faith is to know truth. My decision making was an anxious process of trying to answer the question, now what with my life? There were so many things I had interest in doing but I felt that none of them satisfied me for the long-term. I had a hunch that if this was the time to explore the Jesuits, God would do something obvious. He did, but in an obviously subtle way.

The best way to explain my defining moment is to use the Gospel story of Jesus meeting the Rich Young Man as told in Mark 10:17-31. This may be difficult to connect and it's okay if you don't see the whole picture after I'm done because the Jesuits asked me to write 15 pages to explain what I meant by this :)

Christ's invitation to the Rich Young Man felt just as direct to me as it seemed to him. The invitation that Christ extends to us embodies much more than just an invitation to join the Jesuits. I had thought that decision-making or thoughtful discernment required a prayerful but practical approach to a very specific situation. What I'm realizing is that our decisions, even basic ones, are invited to be so much more cosmically beautiful than that.

Now, like I said, I had 15 pages to articulate the defining moment for the Jesuits and so forgive me as I summarize and simplify a very profound reality and experience. Going back to the Rich Young Man, Christ's invitation to me this past spring NEVER mentioned a word about the Jesuits. It was like two very close friends who don't even need to say a word to discuss amongst or understand each other. But I believe I was given a moment of clarity, a moment to see past my primative discernment thought process and finally be able to watch a vision of my future unfold as a Jesuit. I saw and felt the most intense fear and love I'd ever experienced. I watched myself dissapoint my friends and family and I watched myself fall in love with them in ways I never thought possible. That's what Christ offered: vision, reality, honesty, and in the end; love perfected. After some time it was turn to figure out how to respond to this. And like with the Rich Young Man, that decision is always ours.

I guess I always immaturely dreamed about reaching a point in life where my decisions lead me to a point where I was at peace all of the time, or at least most of the time. Ha, yeah I think Thomas More called that Utopia. Well I understand more clearly that's not how life works. And I don't think that's love at it's deepest and best form. So instead I look to this profound experience with Christ and reflecting on the stepping stone path he has guided me on up to this point. I decided since I won't be able to find a utopian decision in this world, then at the very least, I hope I can experience life's terror and beauty more through the eyes of this wise and saving man we call Christ.

I Remember When I Wanted Nothing to Do with the Jesuits

I was first introduced to who Jesuits were at the age of 14 when I began my freshman year at Marquette High School. It wasn't until mid-sophomore that the thought of that life might be for me. In fact I clearly remember my first thought of being a Jesuit was shrugged off by a "whoa, no way!" reaction. It was kind of like how a elementary boy responds when his friend suggests that girls can actually be okay to be around.

After a while the Jesuits grew on me. By senior year I had gotten so comfortable with the idea that I even talked about forgoing college to apply. Fortunately good mentors, both Jesuit and non-Jesuit, strongly suggested I continue to explore my options while attending a university.

Time passed and I grew-up a bit more. I loved dating, traveling, and dreaming about how I'd save the world. All that without much thought of the Jesuits. At times it was as if I believed I outgrew that vocation, as if it was no more than an innocent crush of my youth. I felt this the most when I when little old ladies or other religious people or family members who sometimes ask, "So what about the priesthood? Whatever happened to your interest in that?" or the favorited classic, "Oh, but there is such a need for good priests." I never knew how to respond to them and usually I'd end up saying, "I have been thinking about it for a while now. I guess you can't rush figuring out God's will for your life." But really I was kind of annoyed being singled out over and over seemingly because I was a young male known to be more comfortable with my faith and spirituality.

In high school when I was quite infatuated with the idea of the Jesuits, I made sort of a deal with myself that I would not skip college but I would apply right after my graduation at Marquette. So when graduation day came and went and I made other plans that did not include the Jesuits, it seemed that I only added fodder to the fire of the little old ladies, religious, and family members. One particular day I was cornered by two from the list, one of which being my mom. I remember her saying on the phone, "Why don't you just become a Jesuit already? I mean really, what are you waiting for?"

Agitated but not articulate we ended our conversation with my future as clear as mud. I avoided approaching my most personal desires and instead made a pathetic plea with God. Now 7 years after considering the idea of the Jesuits, I had a sick feeling that I needed to figure out if this was a legitimate possibility. This was during a time I knew I needed a change from my work as a youth minister but I had no idea what the change was. Basically what my mom had done was kick all my anxiety about planning my next stage into high gear.

My pathetic plea to God took on the form of a nervious-wreck of a 23-year old pacing up and down the church aisles mumbling over and over, "Alright God, help me out here, help me out here...." I was so desperate for any response I half expected the crucifix to suddenly come to life and give me an answer about what to do: either go back to school, continue youth ministry, or try something else like community organizing. I basically dared God to tell me to be a Jesuit. And what happened? Well, nothing and everything really. Like a parent to a tightly wound-up child I emptied out all of my anxiety pacing that carpet for quite some time and mumbling until my lips were tired of forming the same words over and over again. I took one last hopeful look at the stationary crucifix and turned for home.

This one, God seemed to say, was for no one but me to call.

A Good Place to Begin

Since we are all human, we are capable of analyzing and critiquing nearly every observation and action we witness or participate in. Cynicism is such an easy impulse. I know from experience. At times this tendency of humanity can intimidate or discourage my desire to be my most authentic self around others.

However, since we are all human, we are also capable of tremendous understanding and compassion. I am grateful to say that I have family and friends who see past my tendencies and oddities and have the ability to see our hearts on the backdrop of the universe. With this view, they somehow find a way to understand us.

You will find that this blog will be filled with typos, unfamiliar or unclear references, just to name a few. But I know that you will also find my heart against a backdrop of many others, hopefully with your own. And I know that through it all we will somehow find a way to understand each other :)